(no subject)

i've been watching so many movies at home.. somehow i don't feel like going out.. maybe everyone needs a little time by her own.. there r several lines i heard from the movies i watched touches me.. one is from six sense " can we pretend we will see each other tomorrow.. just pretend?" i don't know.. saying bye is hard.. i cna feel it when i stop seeing a patient.. i can see when i have to say bye to mike.. can we pretend we will see each other tomorrow? i'll see u tomorrow mike..
then i was watching the other movie.. it was about a woman who is dumped by a man.. she said the life i had beofre i met u.. i can have it all my life.. but now this happen.. what am i going to do? same as me.. beofore i met him.. the life was a little boring.. but i can live it all my life.. what am i getting myself into.. to fall in love.. having ups and downs.. unnecessary ups and downs.. whcih doesn't help.. and makes u feel like u cna never go bk to a normal life again.. today i finally realize time helps for real.. it takes more than 2 yrs though.. isn't it sad? now i'm in life.. my life before i met mike.. and i feel like i wanna go bk to relationship? i don't know.. unless he is the rite guy.. i cna't have another heart break again.. yesterday i was "looking" for eugene.. he didn't show up.. why? becoz i found out he is getting marry next week.. gee.. silly was i thinking he may be a potential one.. he "choose" to sit next to me.. no he didn't.. he choose to be nice.. stupid me..
this week.. u can tell someone doesn't show interest at all.. like alpha.. he didn't even say hi.. so what's the point.. i get it clearly.. he is not interested.. besides he is too young for me.. then joseph.. he is a little strange.. he is not interested i can tell for sure.. he wants a girl.. but no way he can link towards me.. besides he is short so like jacky says.. no tall woman at all.. so i'd be rule out.. i dont' know.. he was talking to me.. while he was eating and spit in my arm.. i pretend it didn't hit me.. he didn't even know.. gee.. man... ~~! anyways i didn't move that until he is done and looked away.. and i wiped it.. ill.. but then.. he left his jacket on the chair and walked away.. adn someone keep saying who left the jacket and who left the jacket.. and someone say it's joseph.. so i just pick it up and hand it to joseph.. hey just that.. okay?.. someone i cna't even remember who was like.. what? what about the jacket? and someone say it's for joseph.. so i hand it over.. and turn and feel so stupid.. to be so nosey.. as last time amy did so much for the man when man doesn't need those help.. ~~! i shouldn't be doing that and keep in mind i'm nobody.. they don't even remember who i'm.. so please.. stop being stupid.. there is a derek.. in the small group.. who made some good comment.. but again.. all these ppl r not as ppl from the club.. who would really show interested.. so they take time.. but time is all i lack.. coz i may not be here after sept.. so what can i do? if egg ever comes.. i won't go bk to ATL.. if not.. i may.. i don't know.. i pray that god will find that special someone for me.. i hope he is not greg.. and i hope he is not keba.. i dont' know.. maybe it really doesn't matter.. all i hope is he is a he.. not a she....or i just hope someone no matter who that is .. is in my life instead of waiting all life without ahving one..